Not so much love bombing now
One of the things he asked of me is to have bandwidth at the end of the day. He doesnt realize, I always have bandwidth, since I cook, clean, take care of the three dogs..sometimes after all of that..I need 10 minutes to myself. But in light of everything, I made myself more present. Mon-Wed were pretty good. He was attentive, appreciative of “my efforts”. Until last night, when I got off of work, I went into our bedroom where he was layign down reading. I layed next to him silently for a few minutes. At some point he kinda jumped out of bed and went in the garage, I assumed it was for a phone call. The next thing I know he says “What, you laying in bed all night? Come on man, lets get this house cleaned.”
I had no idea what he was talking about because the house was already clean. It turns out the blender and my protein shaker were causing quite the disruption, along with the drying mat I used when I washed the dishes. Then he started in on cleaning the walls and the doors, the trash can, inside the dishwasher. You name it, he was ranting about our “deplorable conditions”. Again, I tried to explain, I keep things tidy and clean durign the week and on Saturdays I do the deep cleaning. I even cleaned water off the floor and showed him the white pape towel was not even slightly dirty. Natually, he didnt want to hear it. Just like he didnt want to hear that the airfryer he cooked chicken two weeks ago..he never cleaned. So now it smells like fish and I have to take it all apart and clean it.
After all the cleaning, he asks about dinner. I told him I wasnt that hungry and my stomach had been bothering me. That did not go over well. Then he goes off about why I didnt tell him sooner, he would have went to get food earlier. Which is not accurate because he never eats before 8pm..rarely 7:30pm. It was only 6:45, thats when I realized there was nothing I could do. It was a double edge sword. So we get in the car and he asks where we are going. Again I said, I dont care, Im not hungry Im just going to spend time with you. Then he proceeds to why is everythign with me a “shit-show” I can never have an opionion, he has to figure out dinner every single night. I attempted to correct him that I suggest things all the time but they get shot down..but I stayed silent, again. Im so tired of shrinking myself to get through these situations.
Finally he got some food and we came home. He layed down and fell alseep..I sat there the rest of the night thinking, “So Im the one that needs to have bandwidth?”